Wedshock is dedicated to the couples everywhere that have decided to take the next step. We deal mostly with issues related to marriage, but some days, I feel like I need to address other topics. I am your classic female people pleaser. I don’t like to be disliked, and I go to great lengths to avoid it.
Here is the truth that I have trouble swallowing: not everyone is going to like you.
I want to be liked, but I oddly have no problem being confrontational. Although I’ve been working towards taming my reputation as a firecracker, I have a hard time biting my tongue when someone treats people poorly… especially when they’re my people.
Me and my brothers on my wedding day. Except I think they actually do like me.
I naturally have a few people in mind as I write this, but I’m not here to write a gossip article- I’m here to help people by telling them what I struggle with and how I deal with it.
Not everyone is going to like you, and that’s ok.
It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, or that you don’t care about them. I’m actually coming to realize that my problem is caring too much about the people who have chosen to walk out of my life- people that I wronged who despite my apologies, chose to shut the door on our friendship.
My problem wasn’t even necessarily losing these people as friends because I knew that I had done everything I could to make it right. My problem was that there would be people out there in this big world we live in that don’t like me. Now, you tell me what’s wrong with that picture.
Why on earth would I mourn the idea of being disliked more than losing a friendship?
I say that and I sound evil, so let me explain it a little better. These people who are no longer a part of my life wanted it to be this way– even though I did everything that I could to at least maintain a cordial distance, which should tell you they aren’t the kind of people that I need as friends in the first place. This concept I can deal with.
They’re gone now because they weren’t good for me in the first place.
This idea that there is someone out there that hears my name and feels bitterness? That I can’t understand.
I can’t understand it because I am not bitter, and I choose to forgive and remember the positive things rather than dwell on the pain they caused. Not because I’m better than anyone, but because I don’t struggle with that. But trust me, I struggle in plenty of other areas to make up for it.
So this article is for the people pleasers. Be willing to let go of the relationships that you don’t need, and understand that someone’s negative opinion of you has nothing to do with who you are.
That person that always has something negative to say about you? You better believe the rest of their words are also full of poison. They aren’t compartmentalizing their venom just to conversations that involve you. In fact, it’s probably the opposite that’s happening. It’s probably an overflow.
I’ll definitely be “sharing” this article on FB. I seriously struggle with this concept on a daily as I contemplate my next huge phases in life. I appreciate this article and will do well to keep it in my mind when these feelings come up. Once I grasped and realized this initial concept, I was freed of so much emotional baggage. That’s exactly how I knew that this friendship purge was not only good for me, but completely necessary. So many people out there need to understand this concept and run with it! I would also like to add that I in no way feel any ill feelings towards these lost friends and the relationship that we once had. I actually only wish them the absolute best, as cliche as it sounds. It’s like the old saying goes: Some people are in your life for a season..and all that jazz.
It’s true.. If you know your journey is right, it doesn’t matter who disagrees or treats your poorly. And sometimes that means losing friendships. Oh the sad truths of adulthood.