Occasionally, like most individuals that I know, I come to a place in my life where I need something new and fresh to direct my attention.

I will admit that I arrive at this destination much more frequently than the average human being and the result often leads to many unfinished projects. However, due to some personal conviction I’ve had on this habit of mine, I have chosen to put forth more intentional commitment to whatever endeavor I choose to engage in next.

I decided this past month that this next endeavor I would pursue would be furthering my knowledge and skill on piano. 

As soon as I processed the thought, I was filled with an overwhelming excitement that transcended my thought into action. I went out and purchased a new keyboard, along with some software programs I could use for sounds and recording anything I wrote. I rushed home that day and set up my new keyboard with a brand new, youthful zeal.

Since that day, I’ve spent hours and hours chiseling away at the piano, trying to dust off what little skill I had before while learning some new methods. Many wrong notes later, I am finally starting to slowly get more comfortable with where all the notes are and what consists of each chord.

The other day, as I was practicing, I was having a musical revelation of sorts. I know that this is previously gained common knowledge but I believe being that I was learning a now foreign instrument, it resounded much louder to me. I began to think about how beautiful each note and chord sounds when played correctly.

I believe the key word of that sentence is correctly.

There are so many factors that can affect the overall end result. You can play the right chord with the wrong dynamic. You can change the emotion of the song completely by simply playing a minor variation of the major chord belonging to the key. It is then that I realized a much bigger revelation: Just as in music, there are things in marriage that work in certain times, settings, or scenarios that don’t work in others.

My wife and I are newlyweds approaching 5 short months of being married, and I’m really starting to understand this concept. Allow me to elaborate.

Whenever I am stressed or overwhelmed, one thing that helps me to unwind is to go for a drive. In times where my ultimate need is to unwind so that I can come back to my wife clear headed and rejuvenated, that habit is beneficial. However, lets flip the situation backwards for a second. Say, for instance, that my wife comes home from a stressful day at work and her greatest need is to vent and release all her emotions verbally.

My coping mechanism, at that point, would be very much like playing an A minor in the key of B. For those of you who are not musically inclined, all you need to know is that sounds awful. Awakening to this concept has made me much more cognizant of not only my wife’s needs as well as mine, but also where we are at that very second.

Maybe you and your spouse have been trying to work through some issues and it’s just not working. Maybe you and your spouse are attempting to show more adoration to each other and the other person still doesn’t feel completely satisfied. Or maybe you’ve both been working on the quality of your marital intimacy and it always feels like you’re both out to get your own needs met, leaving both people shy of being fully satisfied.

I challenge you to observe your marriage much like the discipline of learning a new instrument. It takes time, practice, knowledge, discipline, patience, but most of all, endurance.

Maybe what you’re doing works in other times or settings, but it doesn’t in all. Spend the next few weeks studying your spouse and what they need at what times and in what settings. Upon discovery, challenge yourself to put new action to those situations. I’m no expert but I can tell you by experience, the more right notes you play in the key, the more beautiful the song sounds in the end.

Make beautiful music together in your marriage.