When you first start dating, you ask a thousand questions. You want to know about his first pet, her favorite color, and whether he drinks whole or low-fat milk. “Oh my god, you drink skim? ME TOO.” You want to learn all of the details, so when you ask a question, you listen to the answer fervently. You can easily talk through the night, and your excitement is fueled as your intimacy deepens.
As time passes, this level of enthusiasm lessens, and communication becomes something that requires more intentionality…even for newlyweds. This doesn’t mean you’re a monster either, just that you’re human.
Human marriages can get a little complicated sometimes.
But until we’re able to replace each other with robots, we have to communicate well in order to have strong unions. We have to ask questions, listen to answers, manage expectations and discuss the whole kit and caboodle. One of the best ways to do this is to form good habits early on.
One of the best habits to help you develop strong communication in your new marriage is the weekly check-in.
It’s sounds simple. It feels oddly professional. And, in all honestly, it might even seem a little odd.
But that’s where the magic is—in the seemingly mundane habits you form to make sure that you and your new spouse are connected, aware of each other, and feeling loved.
Your weekly check-in can be scheduled on the calendar, or you can fit it in somewhere more organically. If you and your partner drink coffee together every Saturday morning, utilize this time. The when is less important than the how, although you do want to make sure you’re checking in at a time when you both have the energy to really connect…meaning you probably shouldn’t do it right after a long workday or too late into the evening.
It can look differently week-to-week, but the goal is to be intentional about setting time aside.
Once you’re sitting down, you’ll want to get a good read of where your partner is at. How are stress levels? Are they getting what they need from you emotionally? Is there anything that’s frustrated them this past week? This habit gives you and your partner an opportunity to discuss new tensions or frustrations in a calm way outside of the emotional haze of a big argument.
There doesn’t have to be a set list of questions or a big revelation. This is simply a time for you two to connect on the week behind and the week ahead and also to discuss the future. Communicating regularly will keep you both on the same page, making it easier for you to stay aligned towards your individual and joint goals.
If you make a habit of weekly check-ins, your communication game will stay strong. And now that you have some time under your belt, you’ll connect in deeper, more meaningful ways because, well, you already know what kind of milk your partner drinks.
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