Finding the right words to say to your spouse can be difficult. So difficult, in fact, that we often just skip the communication part all together. Have you ever stopped to think — maybe none of this is our fault and the fault belongs to the creators of human languages? How are we supposed to communicate with common phrases that don’t truly explain how we are feeling? Perhaps it’s time to try out a different language that was created for book and screen. They were probably our best options to begin with.
Below are four of the most beloved fictional languages. Choose the one that’s best for you and your spouse and study up.
This fictional language was made popular by Star Trek and made legendary by geeks who took the time to turn it into a fully functional language. While the Klingons are mostly known for being proud and courageous warriors, that doesn’t mean they don’t have a soft side. For most of history, humans and Klingons were bitter enemies, but they’ve come together in recent years. Perhaps this can inspire you and your mate.
I understand – jlyag
Yes, OK, I’ll do it – lu’
I love you – qaparHa’qu’
I’ll kill your enemies – jagh HoH jlH
Parseltongue was just one of the many gifts JK Rowling gave to us in her Harry Potter books. When this language is spoken it simply sounds like hissing to any non-speakers. Which makes it PERFECT for conversing in public. You will look like two normal people hissing at each other. What better way to make your spouse feel special than to treat them like a feared reptile?
I see why that upset you – Hissssssss
Not tonight – HissssSssssssssssss
Your coworker Jan is a bad lady – HissssSsssSSSSSSS
Order your own fries – HISSSSSSSSSSssssSSSS
Fathered by J.R.R. Tolkien and perhaps the most complete of all – Elven is the true leader of fictional languages. Some might say – “One language to rule them all”. (Gah. Sorry.) Elven is poetic and beautiful unlike its fictional language counterparts. Elven is truly for all the lovers out there.
My heart sings to see thee – Cormamin lindua ele lle
Do you want to dance? – Lle merna salk?
You are a skillful bowman – Lle naa curucuar
Go kiss an orc – Auta miaula orqu
Have you ever been in the middle of a conversation and thought, I wish there were more words for horse? Then, my friend, Dothraki is for you. This language belongs in the vast A Song of Fire and Ice world created by George RR Martin. Perhaps the most intense of all fictional languages — but who doesn’t love a good, intense, blood curdling conversation with the love of their life?
Have you seen my horse? – Hash yer ray tih hrazef anni?
Be cool and ride well – Dothras chek
The moon of my life – Jalan attihirari anni
My sun and stars – Shekh ma shieraki anni
Are these hearts edible? – Hash me laz adakha jin zhoris?
There you have it, the four most popular fictional languages. If these languages fail you, you could always create your own. Or y’know, just talk to your spouse like a human would.
Claire Linic is a Chicago based author and comedian. Her upcoming book Our Perfect Marriage, which she bravely wrote with her husband, will be released October, 4th. Follow Claire on Twitter or her blog.