argument advice

“What in the world happened to the peanut butter?”

For those of us that try to make healthy choices, the challenge that natural peanut butter poses is both frustrating and rewarding. A part of this purchase is to blend the oil on top with the rest of the jar, so you have to be very aware of the oil to peanut butter ratio as you work your way down.

One morning I noticed the entire top layer of peanut butter had been used. I thought everyone knew to commit to the proper ratio. How could he be so inconsiderate and scrape off the oily top layer that was needed to make the rest of the jar edible? Doesn’t he realize the lack of oil renders the rest of this starchy blob useless?

“What are you talking about? What’s wrong with the peanut butter?”

I then attempted to explain what I thought was common knowledge about said ratio. Somewhere between “everyone knows…” and “its inedible when…” it dawned on me. Zach’s response didn’t sound very nice.

“Why are you being so mean all of a sudden?”

Then it began…

An explosive, yet ineffective, exchange of heated words. I was watching the clock closely and knew I had about 15 minutes left to argue before I’d be late for work. After 20 minutes and some juvenile mimicking, I realized I needed to go. I left in a huff and showed up late for work. I’m still the new girl, and I’m late again. His fault.

Where do people get this image of newlyweds as worry-free, agreeable lovebirds? Where can I find that couple that told the rest of the world “everything is so much easier now that we’ve moved into one space and invaded every detail of each other’s lives?”

argument advice

To argue is to disagree, and to disagree is to be human. Therefore, to argue is to be human. Bash my theorem all you’d like, but if you’ve been married for one week you know you aren’t the exception (despite the precious fact you both always told each other you were).

Here’s some argument advice to help cool the blaze in your home:

When you’re angry, for whatever justified or unjustified reason, take a step back. Especially as newlyweds, your anger can fuel words and actions you’d regret. This should become less frequent with time, but for now, bite your tongue or take a break.
Remember you both view the world through a different lens. People don’t see the same situation in the same way. She may have always believed she’s never enough, or he was always a disappointment. These experiences shift our perspectives, so be sensitive to each other.
You committed to this person for better or for worse. Even if your commitment is the only thing keeping you there, it’s still a good enough reason to stay. Your commitment is the most liberating part of your marriage. When you’re committed, it’s not about I’m right and you’re wrong, it’s about how to fix what we’ve broken and keep it from breaking again. It becomes about working together, and less about you- which is exactly where you’ll find the beauty in it all.