I would do you all a great injustice if I only wrote once the storm was calm. It’s easier to be reflective when conflict is in the past, but that’s not why I’m here. I’m here to sink beside you when the ship is going down, not send support from the shore.
If you’ve ever been in a relationship, you know that having arguments over text messaging isn’t wise. If you’ve ever had a job, you know the worst time to argue with your spouse is at work. And if you’ve ever disregarded these truths simultaneously, you deserve what’s coming next.
At approximately 2:30pm I was experiencing the mid-afternoon slump, and I had just gotten back from a five-day vacation, so it was extra slumpy. I was tired of focusing, my food was digesting, and the end of the day was unbearably close.
Zach texted me to ask if I could put a trip on my calendar that was two months away. I was irritated because the idea of another vacation sounded daunting. I was behind from the time that I just took off, not to mention I am a brand new employee trying to make a good impression.
Was he wrong for asking me this question at this moment? Of course not.
But how did I feel about his inquiry? I was surprisingly infuriated.
And so our heated, text argument picked up speed. It started with some sarcasm and continued with some hard capitalized words. We were in the middle of our workday, and somehow we considered it reasonable to further engage in this disagreement.
Somebody please tell me why couples disregard all reason when they fight? We were both tired, trying to catch up on work, and feeling frustrated, an ideal time to say, “Let’s have this conversation later, babe.” But no, we’re newlyweds.
I realized after about an hour that I wasn’t mad because he asked me about a trip, I was mad about things that had nothing to do with that. And instead of maturely bringing up my frustrations before this moment, they insisted on showing up during an unrelated argument.
So here it is from your less-than-level-headed author… There are some issues that you wish could disappear, and in your attempt to forget them, they get bigger. They aren’t going anywhere. Why? Because you’re married to them. No, I’m not saying my husband is my issue, but I am married to our issues. So I should fix them before they drive me mad because, if I remember correctly, I did vow for better or for worse. So don’t ignore the moments you’re frustrated with your spouse. Reflect on them and have a conversation before they emerge uninvited in the middle of your workday.
And remember, text fighting at work is not the solution to your problem.